Helpless or Hopeless

Another day another idiot man who’s come to save me. Today’s fine specimen of a man is David. David is a divorced father of 2. Why do all of these guys have children? I really hope the baby mama in this situation has more say in raising those kids than David. At the very least I hope she can raise them to treat women with basic decency.

David decided that the age old approach of slinging negs was his best move. Note to any guys reading this, this is not your best move. This is not some horrible MTV dating show. This is real life and all this tactic does is prove that you’re an asshole.

 

Oh boy, where to start? It really feels like he just watched The Pickup Artist. I can hear his inner monologue now, “Start with a compliment and then take her down with a neg”. The mess he was referring was a few Old Navy bags that were on my floor, not that I need to explain myself. I don’t need a man to save me. I’m not helpless. This kind of behavior reeks of entitlement. I think it goes without saying that he did not make me his by that night.

Against my better judgment I chatted with this guy for a short time. Maybe it’s because I was bored or maybe it was another one of those things where I couldn’t believe a guy like this actually existed. He kept pushing me to add him on snap. I eventually gave in but told him that if he sent me any unsolicited dick pics we were done. We chatted for a week or so. He kept trying to take it there and I wasn’t having any of it. I should mention that this was April and I was busy trying to study for finals and get everything taken care of so I could graduate.

One night on snap he comments that I don’t seem very interested in him. This was a totally fair thing since I really wasn’t. But then he starts to go in on me. He lists all of the reasons I’m terrible. And then BAM, an unsolicited dick pic. Because after telling a girl she’s awful the best thing is to send a picture of your junk. So naturally, it’s a Bye Felicia moment. I block him on snap and go to bed. No big deal, right? Wrong, oh so wrong. I wake up the next morning to a Facebook friend request from him and a slew of messages on Messenger.

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Super creepy right? I block you and then you seek me out on Facebook? Also I never told him my last name. I’m assuming he went and found the one mutual friend we had and searched her list of friends to find me. At this point I’m done. He gets blocked on Facebook and I move on. End of story.

Well not exactly. All of this went down the last week of April. I blocked his phone number, unmatched him on tinder, and blocked him on snap. The one thing I didn’t do was block him on Instagram. Why not? Well I didn’t know he was on Instagram. Maybe two weeks ago I get a notification that I have a new follower on Instagram. I check it out and it’s him. Are you freaking kidding me? We have now entered stalking territory.

If I have blocked you on multiple platforms do not find my Instagram and try to slide back into my life. I send him a message to ask why he’s following me. Maybe he’s had a change of heart. Maybe he’s realized the error of his ways. Yeah, I know that’s not what it was. I’m a little naive at times. It takes no time at all for him to return to his ways. He proceeds to get upset because he got left on Read. Sorry dude, I wasn’t interested in April and I’m not interested now.

 

I’m a bitter jerk because I don’t miss his face and I don’t appreciate being treated like crap. Well David, you just earned yourself an Instagram block. Please crawl back into whatever damp hole you crawled out of. Learn how to be a decent human being and stop getting pissed when girls don’t respond to your negging.

The term of the week is reclaiming my time and that’s exactly what I’m doing.

Love,

M

Pretty Woman Isn’t a Dating Strategy

Time to get real. Pretty Woman was a great but problematic movie. When you boil it down she was a prostitute hired by the stereotypical entitled rich white male. I think at one point he even goes so far as to say people do what he wants them to because he’s rich. He can’t be bothered to actually be a decent human being so he’s just going to hire a woman to be at his side. In the end he realizes he loves her and they live happily ever after. Total Hollywood bullshit. It should go without saying that this is not a valid approach to dating, right? Well you’d be wrong.

Meet Scott. Scott is a single father of two. A little over a year ago Scott and I went on a date. We had been chatting for about a week before the date and he seemed charming and funny. He had a somewhat twisted sense of humor which matched my own. We met up for a wine tasting and dinner at a restaurant he used to work at. He attempted to impress me by sharing his intimate knowledge of how the restaurant world worked despite the fact that I used to work in restaurants. All of the former employees seemed friendly but not exactly happy to see him. It was odd but I brushed it off.

We sit down for dinner and he insists on getting a bottle of wine despite the fact that we had already had done the tasting which was equivalent to about a glass and a half of wine. We order food and continue to chat. The meal arrives and for some reason he picks this moment to inform me about his baggage. He has a 3 year old daughter and his ex is 6 months pregnant with his second child. The ex is a stripper who’s an addict and the 3 year old is currently in the custody of the state because of a suspicious broken arm.

…..

Uh, what? Needless to say the night took a turn at that point. I’m not interested in children and I definitely wasn’t walking into that mess. The date ends and we go our own ways. He sends me a drunken tirade a few weeks later calling me all sorts of names before begging me to see him again. I tell him that it just isn’t going to work between us.

Fast forward to last week. I tend to let my friends swipe through my tinder account when we’re hanging out at the bar. We all get a laugh and sometimes they match me with guys I wouldn’t normally give a chance to. Occasionally that leads to some great dates like Amer. But that’s a story for another time. Can you guess what happened? We re-matched. He sent me a message but I ignored it. At this point I should have unmatched him. I can’t tell you why I didn’t other than I haven’t been paying much attention to my tinder account these past few weeks.

Then this happens:

 

Yes, ladies and gentleman he tried to solicit me for an evening. To say I was agape with shock is an understatement. Much like Richard Gere in pretty woman here we have an entitled white male who believes that women exist for him. I should be flattered that he made me such an offer because after all he could go for other girls. He has so much to offer the right woman, that just isn’t me. And then the fact that he ends the exchange with the fact that he’s sorry if I was offended. In what world is this approach not totally offensive? In what universe did he believe this would work? Life isn’t a Richard Gere movie. Treating women like prostitutes will not work out well for you.

I can’t believe in 2017 I’m having to deal with this. Women are not things to be bought and paid for. Women are actual human beings who deserve respect. Why is that such a hard concept to understand? Needless to say he has been blocked and reported.

On to the next misadventure.

Love,

M

GG Bro!

Oh look, I made a promise I would start blogging and here we are 2 years later with nothing to show for it.

So, single life. It’s the best, right? Let me introduce you to Michael. He likes to pick up heavy things and set them down. Hey, good for you! We all have different fitness goals. His profile says that he’s looking for the one girl in the Midwest who doesn’t suck. This should have been the first warning sign. He’s not big into actually texting things of any substance and is super eager for photos. However, after a few days I decided to meet him for a drink.

Michael was almost 15 minutes late. When he finally showed up he was already tipsy from the BBQ he had just left. Okay, cool. I can dig it. He had plans but made time to meet up. Let’s do this! We have a few drinks and start talking about our interests and this is where it started to go downhill.

Michael considers himself an amateur photographer. He offers to show me some of his work. I should back up a bit and tell  you that Michael considers Gaston the best job you could have at Disney World. Getting to berate woman and challenge guy’s egos is a total dream job, right? So that’s red flag one. Back to the photos. Can you guess what the photos were? Naked women. Yup, on the first date he’s showing me nude pictures of women that he has saved on his phone. I swear you can’t make this shit up.

I decide at this point that I’m done. We ask for the check and start to leave the bar. He asks me to take a walk with him. We’re in the middle of suburbia. There is no where to walk to. This isn’t the bar district. I agree so we walk to the end of the street and he makes his move. He grabs my boob. That’s right. We’re in the middle of a neighborhood sidewalk and he just goes for it. I move away and make up an excuse about being tired and needing to get home. (To be fair I had run a race the night before and that morning. I had legitimate race fatigue). Does he walk me to my car? Nope. He just points to where his car is and says “This was fun!” and leaves. Really? Okay then.

Did I mention he kept saying, “GG Bro”? I had to look that up because I had no freaking clue what it meant (apparently slang has changed a lot since I got old). As it turns out the reason he can’t find a Midwest girl who doesn’t suck is because he’s a misogynist bro dude who is also slightly racist.

Needless to say there was no second date. He did attempt to meet up again, I guess he didn’t get my, “I’m so not into you” signals. I politely declined. Lesson learned, on to the next dating misadventure. GG, bro.

-M

What I am and what I’m not

Sometimes it’s easier to define something by what it isn’t.

I’m not perfect. I’m not one of those women who has it together. My jeans are usually dirty and my hair is a mess. I don’t wear make up every day and I usually look like a teen ager who was up late playing video games. But let’s be honest, there’s a very good chance that is what I was doing last night. My house is almost always in a constant state of utter chaos. There are clothes, shoes and empty water bottles all over the floor. I am not neat and very rarely am I tidy. Now comes the what I am part….

..this should be easy. Then again things that should be easy often aren’t. I’m a runner most of the time. I’m a full time student and a full time corporate America drone. That’s not fair though, I generally enjoy my job. I’m the funniest Aunt in the world according to my 6-year-old niece. I’m dedicated. I’m obsessive and a bit paranoid. I am a pop culture and music junkie.

The point, you ask? I don’t think it’s fair to start a relationship without knowing what you’re getting yourself into. If you follow along you will get tales of Cosmo (my 10 year old cat) and rants about how Rand Paul is running our country. There will be stories about happy hours that turned into all night ordeals. There will be numerous ramblings about running including what race I just did and what race I’m doing next as well as the races I have planned for 2016 and 2017.

Basically you’re going to get me in blog form. Buckle up and enjoy the ride or see your way out. Choice is yours.

Love,

M